“I Rather be Dead Than go to Work at my Job”

By Youssef Chaz Chronic


Have you ever thought about having to go to your job and then think to yourself that you would rather die than have to go work at that job? Well, that was precisely how I felt back in the fall of 2019.

It was November, a few months before the pandemic would drastically change our society as we know it. I was laid up in bed for a whole week - sick as a dog. I had a fever, a never-ending headache, my body was shivering under the covers, and I couldn’t sleep. I went to a minute clinic at CVS and after taking a test it turned out that I had Influenza. “Wear this mask as you wait for your meds at the pharmacy. It’s important you wear it” said the doctor “Influenza can kill. So wear the mask to protect others, ok?”… “Ok,” I said, “I’ll do that”. I had never worn one of those surgical masks before and I felt weird being the only one with it on my face as I sat there waiting for my meds.

I called up my boss and told him that I was sick and that the doctor ordered me to stay home for the next 10 days. I was so happy about that fact “Hallelujah. God is good indeed,” I thought “No work for 10 days… Thank you!” But it wasn’t a vacation because I was in fact very sick. The only thing I could do for the next few days was lay in bed, take my meds, and just wait for things to improve.

My fever was so high at one point that I began hallucinating. On the second night, I started hearing voices in my room. Particularly, I kept hearing comedian Joey Diaz’s voice. I often listened to his old podcast The Church of What’s Happening Now while driving around for work (listen to his new podcast here), so at first, I thought “Oh my phone must be playing the podcast…” But it wasn’t. I checked my phone but no podcast, or anything else, was playing. It went on like that for the whole night. I would hear his voice, look around my room to see if anyone else was there, then I would look at my phone to make sure everything was off, then the voice would stop so I would go back and try to get some sleep, and then the voice would start back up again…

Joey Diaz

“What’s up? You hallucinating motherfucker”

By the third night, I was still unable to sleep, I had barely slept at all in two days. My headache was excruciating and my body felt so weak. I lay in bed and looked up at the ceiling and I began negotiating with God. I said “Please God, if you can make me better, I will happily go back to work…” Then I paused and I thought about what I had just said. “Would I really happily go back to work?” I thought about it again… And the answer was a resounding no. HELL. NO! I took back what I said. I would in fact rather stay sick, I would prefer to get even MORE sick instead of having to go back to that job that I hated! Fuck it, I would actually rather DIE!!! And I meant it.


Unfortunately, the meds began to kick in, the headache began dissipating by the 4th morning, the body aches as well, and I was no longer hearing Joey Diaz in my brain. I was finally able to fall asleep. I remained bedridden for a few more days but I was on the mend.


What that made me realize is that I truly preferred to remain deathly sick - and at times I even felt like I could die - then go and work the job I hated. If that wasn’t a clear sign that I needed a new job, then I didn’t know what was! The problem was that I wanted to leave the industry I was in but I had no idea what else I could do that would pay me just as well. I was working in auto finance sales. My job paid me a salary plus a quarterly bonus. I was making alright for myself - not making bank - but for a single guy, I was doing well.


As the weeks passed by my disdain for my job only grew. I remained at it till I quit in July of 2021. For my last year there, every weekday morning as I woke up the first words that came out of my mouth as I sat up in bed were “Fuck my life…” The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I learned that one of my colleagues - who I liked - got fired. I was in disbelief… “Why did he get to be fired… and not me!!?” I was confused… "That guy’s numbers aren’t much different than mine, and he actually cares about what he’s doing!” I on the other hand - towards the end of my tenure - did not care AT ALL, and made NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER to boost my sales numbers (but for some funny reason my numbers were among the best in the company) Why didn’t they fire me? Couldn’t they tell that I hated it? Surely my boss must have some inclination as to how I felt. Well, if they weren’t going to do it, I resolved that I was going to have to fire myself.


Two days after finding out that my colleague got fired, I called up my boss and put in a three-week notice. I had no other job lined up. I also just purchased a condo. But. I didn’t care... I had some savings in the bank and if worst came to worst I would just drive for Lyft for money. Fuck what they say about having to have another job lined up before you quit. Also, fuck what they say about only getting a new job if it pays you more money than your current one. What if you hate the line of work that you do? Will more money make you happier, I doubt it. Sometimes you just gotta up and leave a job, and it’s ok if you have no plans. If a job is costing you your sanity and happiness, then one should cut it out like a tumor. Then take the time you need and figure your life out. No one should live a life angry, bitter, and depressed because of a job they don’t like.




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Got problems in your love life? Wish you could get laid more often? Do you hate your job? Do you wish you could get high and drunk all day?

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Beware of the Dream Killers in Your Midsts